we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
