you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
