Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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