I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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