I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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