Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You were trust falling into bushes
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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