we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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