Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
