You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
