Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize