He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
