I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
