dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
