a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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