it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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