Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
