Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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