she was so not down for the gang bang
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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