I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
