she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
