I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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