He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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