i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
