what day is it and did you see me today?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He did a backflip because drugs
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize