Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
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And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
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I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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