Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
