I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
