i just sent this text using only my big toe
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
