my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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