Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize