I could have mohawked her pubes.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
