My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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