I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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