george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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