i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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