i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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