I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
