i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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