And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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