we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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