she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He? As in you personified your dick?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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