are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
