doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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