she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The uberlube is also flammable
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
