you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
