duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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