my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
