Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
