Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
