Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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