If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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