i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
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