so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
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we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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