i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
