I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
