Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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