Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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