When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
