literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
