I don't remember. Are we still dating?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
