Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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