This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
