I just cut my nipple shaving
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
